Sunday, December 31, 2006

Okie, okie... my fault again... for not blogging for so long... Not my fault actually. My laptop simply can't load the "New Post" page. I waited and waited for so long and it still didn't appear. Lousy laptop, just like the previous owner... Good for nothing, only know how to sit down there and rot. Can't even do a simple thing... Might as well throw it away. Well, in fact I was planning to sell it to the garang guni when/if any passes by. Who knows he might not even wants it for free...

Today is the first day of 2007, last nite I was working and I did my countdown at my workplace. Got nothing to do so I send SMSes to all my friends asking them what are they doing at the point of time. Some replied back, whereas some didn't. Never mind cos' I know they are busy with their own countdown.

Last nite I suddenly think of my g/f. How I hurt her despite how much she trusts me... Feel so sad out of a sudden..... I asked myself how come I can bring myself to hurt such a good g/f and make her life from a beautiful dream into a nightmare simply in just like that. I really dunno why I can dump her for.... a rotten tree, full of worms on the inside. My life for the past one year is like living hell. Not a single day I can live in peace. I go to work oso in fear, that when I comes home something will happen. Such a thing never happen when I was with my g/f. She gives me all the security I could ever want and dreamt of. She is such a good girl, and yet I did a hurt so deep that even I myself couldn't forgive myself. Many times I will sit at the place where I used to wait for her after work, alone. Hoping that she will comes out from the entrance that she used to come out after work. But deep down in my heart I know she will never comes out from the very door again, cos' she is no longer working there. Yeah, I still keep in touch with her, so what??? You can lie then what the fucking KNNBCCB that I can't lie to you. Your lies are so much venomous than a snake, rattlesnake....

New Year Eve, in the past I always spent with my love ones. Walking hand in hand across the busy streets/not-so-busy streets/deserted streets. The kind of feeling is so warming and how I wished that every year I can do the same. I thought I have found someone that truly loves me, and I truly loves her. But it was all a bubble. Last year New Year Eve I was with the shit that I won't be able to see my daughter anymore. Now this year my daughter was with me. For the past one year, can anyone ever imagine how my life was turned upside down? If anyone out there wants to know the details of what I'm talking about here, just simply drop me a message at my blog and I can go sleepless for 3 days 3 nights just for the one person to read.

So if you got the righteous attitude, what are you waiting for?

I remember during my NS time my OC squad used to tell us after we passed out from PA and posted to whatever Division out there, we must remember one thing... We can be the most lousiest officer in the whole Division, someone who never managed to nab a single offender, someone who never get promoted, someone who didn't crack any case. No matter what, as long as we don't commit these 2 things:

(1) take bribes
Once you accept bribes, your whole life is ruined. You can't face your family, your friends, your squad mates. You got no dignity, no pride, no self respect. Forever you will be tattooed. Poor, so be it. No money, so be it. As least you can walk on the streets with your head high, your kids can lead an unashamedly childhood. Nobody will look down on you.

(2) frame other people
Many times you wanted to close the case. You got only 48 hours to get the evidence in order to charged the accused in court. Just bcos' you make a false statement and testify against him, he gets imprisonment. No doubt your words are much more trustworthy in court than any other witnesses, the judge will take your words for it cos' you're a law enforcer. He didn't do it means he didn't do it. You make him landed in prison just due to you think that he was the culprit. He may be with kids and wife at home. Inside the cell, he would tell himself that after he released, he can bear the pain not seeing his kids and wife but to seek revenge for the sufferings and wrongful imprisonment you caused him. Even if he can't seek his revenge, someone will do the job for him. You never know who he meet inside the prison. Someone who listens to his story and knows he is innocent, takes the job for him.

You take $10 from ppl, yes you can get away with it. In the eyes of law, you dun need to be responsible. You are smart, you plan all your back-up plans. You really think you are smart? You really think you can get away with it, after all the reaps you've sow? Someone from above will get you. I know everyone got their own goals to attain, own aim to achieve, own targets to reach. A employee works so hard, for what? He just want to earn his salary to support his family back home. Many foreign workers come all the way from their hometown to work in Singapore, for what? He just want to earn money to send back home, maybe there is a famine or drought back home. No matter what is your goals, aims or targets.. as long as you dun harm anyone or hurt anyone in your so-called route to your success. So what if you can climb the corporate ladder to the top management but on the way, you make ppl jobless and hatred. So what if you can have the whole world by yourself and no one is there to share with you?

After all the grief and torment you brought to others, then you started saying you're sorry and you really regret your own actions... What is the point? You have been warned many times not to play with fire, you read articles of ppl whose homes are brazed to ground zero, you saw with your own eyes how dangerous fires can be... and yet you heed no advice. Wait till your own home was brazen to ground zero then you start feeling remorseful for what you've done, what's the point for the damage has been done. Sorry doesn't mean anything till then.

I drunk driving and I hit your family, then I tell you:

"Sorry loh, sorry lah.... So now what you want from me? I say I'm sorry already mah... so now you not happy, is it?"

"Forgiveness is a great achievement. Learn to forgive, my friend..."

Now all I have for my year 2007 resolution is I just want to lead a new life with my Alexandria, my family, my friends who is with me... As for the rest, it is not important. I know God is watching and he got plans for me. Now I lost $10, he sooner or later will give me back $100 or even more, who knows?

At least I can see who are my true friends. Some after hearing my story can still wants to be my friends, offers to foot my bill for me, doesn't matter if they pay for my share... I just want to say a million thanks to those who lend me their shoulder to cry on, their ear to listen, their hugs to assure me. I won't forget you all, neither will Alexandria.

Let's talk about something more merrier...

On the 25th Dec, I was doing OT at Orchard Road. Supposedly I was doing the crowd control just in front of Wisma but last minute I was told to do anti crime patrol around Wisma. I, together with another 2 officers walked around the vicinity. So many people, so crowded. Wherever we are needed we proceed to wherever place. I did advise a ice-cream seller to move his motorcycle to some where farther away from the road. I gotta ask him some stupid questions at first:

"Hello uncle how is the business here?"
"You taken your lunch already?"
"What time you've been selling ice-cream here?"
"Who is this person next to you?"


"Sorrie uncle, I need to to move your motorcycle to that place over there. You know, here is so busy and people might knock into your motorcycle. Sorrie for that, I help you to push your motorcycle okay?"

He obliged... without needing my help.

So I went away happily.

Then we are called upon to escort one of the MP, from this place to the stage. I can't tell you who is the MP lah... So many ppl and we need to asked everyone in front to step aside and make way for him and his family to pass by. Doing OT is fun, esp you can see many things. At the end of the Xmas party, we still need to clear everyone off the road so that the refuse trucks can clean up the whole stretch of road. At 2230 hrs, the party comes to and end. We need to stand along the roadside till 0100 hrs. Chit chat and blow the whistle whenever some drunk fellas or stubborn fellas try to dash across the road despite told not to cross it. I got home about 0230 hrs and I found my little princess sleeping so soundly. I slept beside her...

How clever of her now? She can hold her own milk bottle on her own. You know, when I was feeding her, she would want to put her hand on the bottle, refusing to put down. Sometimes I need to remove the bottle from her mouth to let her breathe and she would push the bottle back into her mouth with her hand that was on the bottle. Or she will extend her head forward to suck the milk. So cute...

My mum bought for her some new clothes. The old ones are getting tight around her little body. Not too expensive but kinda big for her. But sooner or later, she will outgrown her own clothes too.

Huh, I saw some ants crawling on my papa's bed. Must be he eating in the bed loh...

Where is my pants? I feel so cold down there...

Hello, hello... who's there? Or, ouch I got a toothache... Hehe I got no teeth yet, where got toothache...

This pic I like most... Little momo is thinking so hard, biting her fingernails, cracking her brains... A penny for my thoughts?

I'm praying, I'm praying... that I got more new clothes to wear.... my papa can have money to buy clothes for me.

This one of the clothes my mum bought her her. Just in case you're wondering why is it so crumpled... Cos' I got it out from the laundry... hehe.

A long sleve top for her in case during the night it gets cold. As you know, the past few weeks it had been raining on and off. Can't afford to let my little princess to get sick.

Snoopy... My mum says it was quite red, so striking red.

Sleeping so soundly... In fact, this pic was taken after I got home after my afternoon shift. Which means it was around 12am midnight.

With this appearance, I think most people will say this is my son. I always tell my mum to get for her some dresses or skirts to wear. This is my daughter, not my son leh... But frankly speaking she does look very nice with a hat over her head. You know those little postman that we used to read in the frictional books when we were younger? Huckerberry Finn, anyone knows? Notice that her hand is pushing my head away...

This pic doesn't look as nice as the above one. Nevertheless this pic looks cute. Her hat got 2 tenticles, like those aliens.

1 comment:

Claire said...

i stumbled across your blog recently. your daughter is so sweet... and you seem such a caring father. she's very lucky to have you!
hope all goes well for your 2007.
i'm curious to know the details you mentioned abt your life being turned upside down... it sounds like you've been thru a lot. i dunno what happened, but i hope things will get better for you and your family.
blessings for the new year, and take care.